ELLA

My Dearest Ella, If you weren't born, my child, if you weren't born... If you weren't born, I wouldn't have laid alone,  in a hospital bed, like an empty drone.  My chest ripping open with lonely cries, for my husband and daughter, sobbing tragic lullabies. If you weren't born, I wouldn't have risked my life, ridiculed by the doctors, feeling endless strife. Day by day they looked on me, with disgust-filled eyes, and some pit-y. If you weren't born, I wouldn't have been in pain, back aching from my frozen position, always the same. I thought if I moved, it might tear the sack, and leak out more fluid, which you already lacked. Yes, if you weren't born, I wouldn't have had stabbing grief, attacking my gut, with no sign of relief. You see, I was told you were as good as dead, when my water broke, and my heart bled. If you weren't born, I wouldn't have had to post, ...

If you've ever read Ella's story and wished that there were photos to help tell the story, here they are! I went through all of our photo/video albums and pieced this video memoir together to share the mighty works of God's hand in Ella's life! I am hoping that this video will be shared and will bring praise, honor and glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!!! His miracles are incredible and we feel humbled and amazed that He would bestow some of them on our family, but we remain in even greater awe of what He did on the cross by taking our deserved punishment for sin and offering us the free gift of Salvation and forgiveness of sins for all who confess in the Lord Jesus Christ and believe in Him. He covers us with His precious blood, making us worthy to stand in the presence of an ALMIGHTY GOD!!! His eternal gift of un-deserved and unattainable Salvation leaves me utterly speechless and totally enamored by Him! I don't think I'll ever g...

This morning, my heart is beating wildly with fire as I wonder at God's might!!! The journey since Ella was born has been full of sorrow, doubt, intense maternal & physical pain, nervous excitement, insecure surrender, peace, fear, tears, empathetic pain, belly laughs, joy beyond measure, heartbreak, weeping, depression, agony and unmatched rejoicing at God's amazing miracles!!!! This little girl has thrown us for more loops than a 100 mph wobbly roller coaster with unlimited loopty-loops and death-drops!  You know the story.  By human logic, this little girl shouldn't be here.  The one and only way she lives is because of God's grace, power and mercy. Last year, just after our HUGE leap of faith to pursue the adoptions of two little ones, we discovered that Ella had not only ADHD, a swallowing disorder and severe Sensory Processing Disorder, but also Autism.  This came as a huge challenge to what God had called us to.  We knew that God knew since the ...

" Autism is a complex neurobehavioral disorder that includes impairments in social interaction and developmental language and communication skills and rigid, repetitive behaviors. The disorder covers a large spectrum of symptoms, skills, and levels of impairment. It ranges in severity from a handicap that limits an otherwise normal life to a devastating disability that may require institutional care. Children with autism have trouble communicating. They have trouble understanding what other people think and feel. This makes it very hard for them to express themselves either with words or through gestures, facial expressions, and touch. A child with autism who is very sensitive may be greatly troubled -- sometimes even pained -- by sounds, touches, smells, or sights that seem normal to others. Children who are autistic may have repeated body movements such as rocking or hand flapping. They may have unusual responses to people, attachments to objects, resist...

How do you camouflage Autism? Can you somehow get magical clothes that make you "blend in" in the midst of flapping hands, shouting whispers, shouting shouting , jumping in terror and covering ears at regular sounds, spinning in circles, manipulating and inspecting an object for hours at a time, screaming at the idea of getting in a shower, stomping feet, biting, pinching, jumping away from a pat on the arm, and melt-downs?  If so, sign us up! I'd like to order the special "blend-in" clothes for WalMart (especially for the check-out lane), church and neighborhood purposes.  Machine washable preferably! Each of these places create the toughest arenas to regulate Autism symptoms and also end up creating the largest spectacle opportunities. While strolling down the isles of WalMart in the top toddler seat of a shopping cart, on most occasions, Ella can be seen (and heard) aggressively chewing on her bright green chewy (or poor little toy of choice) while sing...

Two weeks ago, we added two "A" words to our lists of diagnosis' for Ella: ADHD & AUTISM While the doctor was symptathizing and giving me tools to cope and greive, I was rejoicing because of the fact that we had a reason for our exhaustion!  Calvin and I weren't crazy after-all (or bad parents).  All of the paint-chip eating, poop smearing, diaper wearing, spinning, flapping, night terrors, screaming at peers, sensitivity to touch, inability to sit at dinner, need of routine at bedtime, inability to express emotion verbally, obsessing over certain objects and their mechanics, constant movement and inability to focus or listen to instructions had an explanation, finally ! For many families, receiving the Autism diagnosis is such a devestating blow, but for whatever reason, to us, it was a relief.  We understand that there is the possibility that Ella will never live on her own, will never drive, or even function in a "socially acceptable" ...

Have you ever asked God "why"? For some reason, this year I have become especially curious about how Mary must have reacted when she found out that she'd be giving birth in a barn... with livestock!  Did she ask God, "why"? I don't know what the cultural norm was back then??  Who knows?  Maybe it was typical for a family to bed-down in a stable if the inns were all full?  Maybe women gave birth in stables on a regular basis and it was not a shock to her?  I just don't know.  But I am approaching this post with the idea that it was not in Mary's plan in any way, shape or form to give birth in a barn. I have thought about Christ's birth over and over as we've celebrated Christmas each year and the significance that there is that God chose for His Son to be born in a lowly stable, but never has it dawned on me with such intensity as this year how Mary must've felt about it.  She had just been delivered an amazing message that she would...