If You Weren't Born...

My Dearest Ella,

If you weren't born, my child,

if you weren't born...

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have laid alone,

 in a hospital bed,

like an empty drone.

 My chest ripping open with lonely cries,

for my husband and daughter,

sobbing tragic lullabies.

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have risked my life,

ridiculed by the doctors,

feeling endless strife.

Day by day they looked on me,

with disgust-filled eyes,

and some pit-y.

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have been in pain,

back aching from my frozen position,

always the same.

I thought if I moved, it might tear the sack,

and leak out more fluid,

which you already lacked.

Yes, if you weren't born, I wouldn't have had stabbing grief,

attacking my gut,

with no sign of relief.

You see, I was told you were as good as dead,

when my water broke,

and my heart bled.

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have had to post,

how at 18 weeks gestation,

you should have been toast.

I was told then, that I had to abort,

my life was in danger,

it would be too short!

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have had to choose,

your life or mine,

because either was a lose.

I was told you were a time-bomb in me,

with each passing day,

it could be death to WE. 

If you weren't born, you wouldn't have been dead,

cold and lifeless,

on the hospital bed.

The team of doctors surrounded you,

I couldn't see anything,

not even a clue.

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have recovered alone,

waiting and wondering,

right next to the phone.

In that hospital bed I waited and prayed,

for what seemed like hours,

in that bed I stayed.

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have praised the Lord,

when I got the phone call,

that your life was restored!!!

Three pounds even, was your birth-weight!

I couldn't believe it!

You were a preemie heavy-weight!

If you weren't born, I couldn't have sang,

The song to my Jesus,

that this news "brang".

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have seen,

how God used your life,

to Him people bring!!!

They were astonished by your little body,

it was healing and growing,

when it should have been shoddy!

If you weren't born, Micha wouldn't have heard,

about our Jesus,

and asked Him to be Lord!

She asked Him right then as she heard our stor-y,

to come in her heart,

and bring the victory!!!

If you weren't born, that's not all!!!

There's more,

but I might bawl!

You lived!!  You lived!!  You just kept on goin,

livin and breathin,

those doctors, you were showin!!!

If you weren't born, I couldn't cuddle you,

when you went in for surgery,

six times two!

Time and again, we gave you away,

for the doctors to work on,

in their special way.

If you weren't born, I couldn't rejoice,

when out you'd come,

making all that noise!

Each new trial, each new phase,

brought new hope,

and peace and faith.

If you weren't born, I couldn't kiss your cheeks,

and smother you with love,

all these days and weeks!

Your body's so squishy and fun to hold,

I can't believe I get you,

my heart is SOLD!

If you weren't born, I couldn't admire,

each tiny detail,

that your life would require!

Each breath you take, takes MY breath away!

And how you now walk,

I can't even say...

If you weren't born, I would have missed out!

on the darling you are,

and the miracles God brought about!!!

Even with tubes, wires and more,

I'd never trade you,

not even if it meant war!

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have ever seen,

your scrunched-up nose, 

and bright-smile gleam!!!

That adorable giggle as it rolls from your belly,

when you tell a joke,

about somethin smelly!

If you weren't born, Oh! If you weren't born...

I'd never recover,

myself I would scorn!

If I'd known then what I now know,

the word abortion,

was from below!

If you weren't born, my joy would be killed,

ripped away,

and never re-filled. 

I thank God for each day He gives,

each one a miracle,

 when we weren't supposed to live!

If you weren't born, my life wouldn't have been risked,

but then I wouldn't have YOU,

and I would be TICKED!

If given the choice to do it all over,

 I'd go through every second,

to get my little lover!!!

If you weren't born, I'd have been spared many trials,

but as hard as it was,

I'd never turn back the dials.

Instead, God had bigger plans for us two,

to use my life,

and reward me with YOU!

If you weren't born, I wouldn't have felt you kick,

inside my tummy,

but that wasn't the trick.

It's when you died and came alive,

 that you grabbed my heart

and changed my life!

If you weren't born, my child,

if you weren't born...