On April 16, 2018, the Lord gave me a brief glimpse at the stunning front side of the tapestry He's weaving in my life. So many of our days here on earth are filled with our only seeing the sloppy-looking backside of the tapestry, loose strings hanging here and there, and we're left unable to imagine what kind of an image could possibly be created from such a MESS! Of course, the perfect, completed front-side creation will only be viewable for Believers from eternity in Heaven when our Sanctification is complete, but even to catch a slight glimpse, when God allows, is utterly breathtaking!
The words below, I shared on that day in April 2018, after God showed me just a tiny peek at what He had been up to during the decade since my Ella was born. I was in the hospital, having preterm contractions while pregnant with my son, Joziah.
April 16,2018
"Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!!! Praise JESUS!
The words below, I shared on that day in April 2018, after God showed me just a tiny peek at what He had been up to during the decade since my Ella was born. I was in the hospital, having preterm contractions while pregnant with my son, Joziah.
April 16,2018
"Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!!! Praise JESUS!
I just re-met the high risk doctor who told me to abort Ella 10 years ago!
I'll let that sink in for a minute.
OK...maybe another minute...
MY mind is still reeling!
I
wondered why I was here at the hospital this weekend... I wondered why I've had to
be a recluse this pregnancy and lay low... I wondered why I had to miss our lady's
retreat....
Well, now I know!
The
high risk doc (MFM: Maternal Fetal Medicine) who walked into my room today just so HAPPENED to be the
one caring for me 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Ella!!! I was
assigned to his case load today because of my complex situation.
All these years passed and I wondered if he remembered me....
10 years ago, he had been so adamant that a situation like mine was hopeless.
He
had told me that if I didn't abort Ella (who had no chance of surviving at 4 months gestation with my ruptured waters because her internal
organs could never develop without fluid) that I was risking my own life
and that I would most likely die too if I continued with the
pregnancy...
But, having
a faith in Jesus and His plan of life from conception, I had no
conscience to end Ella's life to save my own, and I told him that.
As
a result, if I remember correctly, after a heated debate, he finally conceded, told me that I was making a decision that would end my life for a fetus that had zero chances at survival, he had me sign a waver (or
something similar) releasing him of responsibility of my death due
to my decision to continue with the pregnancy.
Fast forward 10 years.....
Today.....I
told him who I was and he paused... looked at me.... he got kind of a
funny grin on his face and said something like,
"I remember you....
My chest knotted up, and I wondered what was about to unfold. I hadn't seen, heard from or heard about him since Ella was born. I had delivered a letter to his office months after her birth that included photos of my precious baby girl, but I had never heard anything from him in response.
He looked at me . . .
"I remember you because . . . you're the one who didn't want to follow my recommended treatment when I really thought you should."
I was BLOWN AWAY that he remembered me after 10 years!
There
was kind of an awkward pause before the meeting went on . . . a thickness
in the air. We were probably both wondering what the other one was thinking.
After a moment, he jumped right in and began discussing my current pregnancy and the course of action we
should take, and then when we were finishing and he was walking out, I
joked with him and said, "I can't believe you remember me after 10
years! It's probably because I was your defiant patient!"
He turned and looked at me straight on and said very seriously,
"No. I remember you because it was YOU who taught us that MAYBE these situations COULD have good results....
...and since then we've had other women come through who have had similar outcomes."
I couldn't breathe for a minute. His words just hung in the air.
After a moment of catching my breath, I had the opportunity that I had longed for for a DECADE!
I asked him if he'd like to see a picture of Ella now . . . and he eagerly came over to take a peek of her on my phone.
It was just silent.
And
after a moment, he looked up with a smile in his eyes and looked at me
for a moment that felt like 5 minutes, but was really only a split
second.
His eyes were smiling, but he was quiet . . . and in that moment, it's almost like he silently said,
"you were right" . . .
And then he turned and left.
Drop the Mic . . .
...
My insides went numb and explosive simultaneously!...
...
I was the ONE!?!
What!?!!!
All these years I was wondering if he remembered me, or if my situation had impacted him AT ALL....
and
today I find out that *I* was the ONE who taught the Maternal Fetal
Medicine team that there was hope for these babies in the womb without
fluid!?
... I find out
that because *I* refused the recommended treatment (abortion), *I*
became the test subject on seeing how babies do without fluid!!!!!!
And because *I* had a good outcome, they've allowed other women to carry their babies too!?!.....
Other lives were SAVED because *I* took a stand........!
(And to be clear, we all know it has NOTHING to do with who *I* am at all, but who HE, JESUS, is in me!!!)
All that time I wondered if my struggle had made a difference.
I wondered, "did God ever use it?"
Our bodies are earthly vessels, and they are imperfect.
BUT
our imperfection only MAGNIFIES CHRIST'S PERFECTION when through HIS
power, the impossible is performed through our brokenness and allows the
world a GLIMPSE of the power, might and MAJESTY of an ALMIGHTY GOD who
loves them!
In short, our weaknesses, trials, imperfections and brokenness provide opportunity for Christ's POWER to shine through!
If
I had a perfect body, capable of carrying babies to full term, I would
have never had the OPPORTUNITY to share my faith with that doctor...and
they could possibly still be counseling every woman to abort their babies when their
water breaks early!!!
Sooooo, to answer my heart's question of: "Did God ever use my trial?" . . .
Ummmm yeah!!!! I'd say He did! And He knocked the socks off of me in the process!
And
on TOP of that, my nurse today (who lives in Boise) just so happened to be a Believer, and
just so HAPPENED to go to the same church as my sister (who lives in Caldwell), and just so
HAPPENED to hear the same sermon on 2nd Corinthians 4 this week!!!! So
the message from that passage was further affirmed in my heart after
talking with her for quite some time this morning!
We serve a great big God, you know it?!
Don't
ever ever doubt if God is working. Romans 8:28 says that He works all
things to the good of those who love Him, who are called according to
His purpose!" And Philippians 1:6 reminds us that "He who began a good
work in you will carry it on to COMPLETION!" That good work is the work of God's Salvation, and He bears fruit in those who are His - ETERNAL fruit!
He's
not done with His Believers. These old bodies are just temporary . . . useful for
this world (even and ESPECIALLY in their brokenness) to reveal God's
glory and SALVATION to a lost and hurting world!
So let us live this day and hold, "UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess, for He who promised is FAITHFUL"!!!!! (Hebrews 10:23)
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| Ella as a newborn on life-support May 2008 |
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| Ella THRIVING and playing in the Alboran Sea (a portion of the Mediterranean Sea) along the coast of Spain, at age 11, September 2019 |
If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, saved by the richness of His grace, remember that our lives, no matter how sloppy or devastating they may be here on earth, are hidden with Him in heaven for Eternity, and are ultimately being woven into a beautiful, perfect, intricate tapestry with each thread EXACTLY as God intended!
"For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."
Colossians 3:3-4
Colossians 3:3-4
So hang on and don't give up! Persevere through whatever this life may bring. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus! HE is our hope for eternal life, and He is working all things toward the good of those who love Him who are called according to His purpose! (Romans 8:28)
"Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily
entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before
us, fixing
our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy
set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down
at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:1b-3
Hebrews 12:1b-3
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| From Corrie Ten Boom, a prisoner during the Holocaust at a concentration camp |
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