This morning, my heart is beating wildly with fire as I wonder at God's might!!!
The journey since Ella was born has been full of sorrow, doubt, intense maternal & physical pain, nervous excitement, insecure surrender, peace, fear, tears, empathetic pain, belly laughs, joy beyond measure, heartbreak, weeping, depression, agony and unmatched rejoicing at God's amazing miracles!!!!
This little girl has thrown us for more loops than a 100 mph wobbly roller coaster with unlimited loopty-loops and death-drops! You know the story. By human logic, this little girl shouldn't be here. The one and only way she lives is because of God's grace, power and mercy.
Last year, just after our HUGE leap of faith to pursue the adoptions of two little ones, we discovered that Ella had not only ADHD, a swallowing disorder and severe Sensory Processing Disorder, but also Autism. This came as a huge challenge to what God had called us to. We knew that God knew since the creation of the world that Ella would be diagnosed with these things, and had not called us to adopt ignorant of them, but it sure seemed impossible to us.
We have spent many days and nights with arms (and if need be: legs wrapped too) around our precious girl as she fought with her harmful tendencies to bang her body and head on anything hard enough to give her a sensation. We soothed through her uncontrollable melt-downs and cried helplessly in exhaustion on the floor with her when everything was just too much. As we watched her Autism progress and her speech disappear to near nothingness, her body lose control in an instant and our sweet, fun-loving girl fade away, I remember days on end when it seemed I did nothing but weep in my closet screaming out for God to show me how!! But even my grief was cut short when my girl would awake with a terror and I'd have to stuff my sobs away for a later time so that I could calm my scared girl. During the day, it seemed that once we'd get Ella calmed and ready to play nicely, the minute I'd walk away to complete a task or needed chore, something would scare or offend her and the screams would return. I was always running on fumes and never able to re-fuel or even release the pent-up exhaust from the day/night's trials.
I cried out countless times for God to answer me "why"??? As I begged for Him to show me why He asked us to adopt when I could barely care for Ella, let alone her precious older sister. How in the world could we add two children to this mess? It wasn't fair to us and it certainly wasn't fair to them. But not once did God release us from the call or slow down the process. The doors kept flying open. Even the crazy monetary amounts for the adoptions continued to pour in on time and in miraculous ways. I kept begging God, "show me how, show me how!"
This summer, God showed me. It was just after Ella had just had an explosive melt-down that left us outside, above cement with her in my arms resisting and fighting - struggling with all that she had and screaming at the top of her lungs as I fought tears and held tight with all my strength so I wouldn't drop her on the dangerous cement below. I gritted me teeth to help hold her and walked as quickly and steadily as I could as my fingers started to slip apart with the force of her kicks and blows. I soothed as calmly as possible, "I love you, Ella. It's ok. Let's go calm down. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." I almost dropped her that day. Just as my fingers released, I reached my bedroom and she plopped onto my bed. Immediately Calvin saw what was going on and came to help. We both took turns holding her in calming hugs and placing blankets on her as she thrashed about. The battle went on for about an hour. When it was finally over and both Calvin and I were completely exhausted, I realized I could not do it much longer. She was getting too big. What would have happened if I would have dropped her on the cement???
We had tried therapy, different discipline techniques, different "love" techniques, etc... Nothing worked. It was time to try the diet everyone was talking about.
At first, we removed gluten.
Oh. My. Word. All of a sudden, Ella was hearing me! When before a request for her to pick up her toys might result with her not hearing the request (being unable to process the words to make sense of them), screaming and a melt-down, or on a good day agreeing, but then becoming distracted and not even being able to follow through with one toy, she could now hear and process the request and clean up the entire messy play-room one color at a time. (ex: Ella can you pick up all the green toys?)!!!!!!! I could now call her name and she would look at me!!!! When before it was as if, she hadn't even heard it called!
After a couple weeks though, her behaviors had worsened. She was hearing and processing better, but she was becoming more wobbly on her feet, falling off of chairs, tripping, bumping into others, screaming at the instruction to clean up, etc... These things had all happened prior to the diet change. It perplexed me because she was still hearing instructions and understanding so much better than before, but her behaviors and body awareness was much worse than before. Was it worth it??
By God's grace, I came across an article on corn. The article explained everything that was happening. It described how many times when gluten is removed from a diet, the amount of corn is doubled, which can in many cases act as a sensory blocking agent in kids with sensory issues! The corn actually causes a weird gut-reaction which releases some strange neuro blockers that don't allow information to reach the brain correctly. Which, explained why Ella was so wobbly on her feet and was so irritable. Nothing in her world made sense. While the gluten-free food was helping to clear her foggy mind, the corn was stirring up a crazy sensory blocking system within her little body.
After only a week off of corn, Ella was the most functional we had ever seen her!!!! All of a sudden, she went from being unable to put her shoes on at all, she could all of a sudden put them on and have them on the correct feet. I have never had to switch her shoes since removing corn from her diet. Slowly, Ella's speech has improved and returned. Before going off of corn, Ella would wake up each morning at 6 AM and make the most unusual noises as she played with her toys. They were all animal sounds, but they sounded more like screeching. (My family knows what I'm talking about - it was horrible!) Ella couldn't gage her volume. Even her whispers where louder than normal speaking. A police officer once stopped by to see if a child was being abused, but understood when he came and saw her playing contentedly at her table and we explained that she had Autism!!! After going off of corn, she still wakes up at 6 AM, but she can whisper! A switch flipped and all of a sudden she can do simple things that were impossible for her to do before!
Yesterday I was watching Ella, just amazed at the change. Calvin and I had taken her to her occupational therapy appointment and while we were there, we saw another little girl who was being worked with who was clearly Autistic. She didn't seem to be aware of anyone in the room even though the OT was holding her and talking to her and her dad was waving and calling out her name. When something happened to her that she didn't like, she began screaming, waling, fighting and thrashing. Calvin and I looked at each other in pure astonishment. I said to him, "that was Ella"! And he said, "I know, I can't believe it." We've had her off of corn for about two months now and it's hard to imagine that she was ever at that point! Her swallowing disorder has even improved!!! She can now drink pure water without any thickening agent in a sippy cup without aspirating!!!!
Ella is now our cheerful little girl who responds faster and more obediently than most "neuro-typical" kids because rules and instructions are incredibly important to her "Autistic mind". If I say, "Ella, on three, can you please turn off the t.v.? Ready, one, two three!" By the time I've said, "ready", she has the t.v. off. She needs a simple warning and she's good to go. When she needs something or is appologizing, often times, she'll use more words than a "neuro-typical" child in the same situation, saying something like, "Mama, can I please have a apple?" or "I'm sorry I took your toy away, Ari." She does stutter quite badly and still fidgets, and has all of her awkward tics (claps with mouth agape, spins, stomps, etc..) But, my sweet, happy little girl is back! She is aware of what we are saying and reacts accordingly. Two days ago I looked at Calvin and said, "Man, I wonder if they'd still diagnose her with Autism??" Even though I know she does have Autism and still has bad days, her bad days now are more like her good days used to be! And on her good days now, it can be hard to distinguish her from a neuro-typical child without observing for quite a while.
I do bake.... All the time!! (corn is in EVERYTHING, so we don't have the luxury of buying bread, graham crackers, cookies, muffins, etc - so I make them) But it is so worth it!!! Instead of weeping on the floor next to my child that can't process anything going on around her - who is afraid of the shower, toilets, cars, touch, etc... I bake and have a curious little 5 year old constantly pulling on my arm to, "Lemme see, Mom! Whatcha makin? I wanna help!"
My, oh my how God has shown me HOW! As people have questioned us as to why or how we will be able to adopt and still care for all of our kids, even with Ella, I just say, "God knows." He keeps paving the way and opening doors. If you would have asked me 4 months ago if I would have thought it possible that Ella would be functioning in a regular kindergarten classroom with no aid and reading at a first grade level, I would have NEVER believed you, ever! But we serve a God of impossibilities. He thrives in our weaknesses! And now He is throwing doors open to Ella's healing and the meeting of our new young sons.
This morning, Ella snuggled with me on the couch after Ariana had gone to school. She looked up at me and asked in frustration, "Mama, when are our brothers gonna come home?" The sense of anticipation and excitement for the newest members of our family to arrive was so strong. But I think her excitement is only second to that of her sister's. Ari asks me every day about her brothers. She prays for them in ways I hadn't thought to pray. Her wisdom as a young, seven year old is profound. She amazes me. Even through everything with Ella, she's stronger. She's asked to learn speech methods to help Ella with her stuttering and actively helps her sister through play to speak better, she paints pictures to sell to raise money to bring her brothers home...she's amazing! I could write a book about my Ari.
We are so blessed and so amazed to be on this faith-walk as the Lord of lords and King of kings guides us where He wants us to go. Jesus never ceases to amaze me with the miracles He does in my Ella's life and as He walks us down this path towards His will.
The journey since Ella was born has been full of sorrow, doubt, intense maternal & physical pain, nervous excitement, insecure surrender, peace, fear, tears, empathetic pain, belly laughs, joy beyond measure, heartbreak, weeping, depression, agony and unmatched rejoicing at God's amazing miracles!!!!
This little girl has thrown us for more loops than a 100 mph wobbly roller coaster with unlimited loopty-loops and death-drops! You know the story. By human logic, this little girl shouldn't be here. The one and only way she lives is because of God's grace, power and mercy.
Last year, just after our HUGE leap of faith to pursue the adoptions of two little ones, we discovered that Ella had not only ADHD, a swallowing disorder and severe Sensory Processing Disorder, but also Autism. This came as a huge challenge to what God had called us to. We knew that God knew since the creation of the world that Ella would be diagnosed with these things, and had not called us to adopt ignorant of them, but it sure seemed impossible to us.
We have spent many days and nights with arms (and if need be: legs wrapped too) around our precious girl as she fought with her harmful tendencies to bang her body and head on anything hard enough to give her a sensation. We soothed through her uncontrollable melt-downs and cried helplessly in exhaustion on the floor with her when everything was just too much. As we watched her Autism progress and her speech disappear to near nothingness, her body lose control in an instant and our sweet, fun-loving girl fade away, I remember days on end when it seemed I did nothing but weep in my closet screaming out for God to show me how!! But even my grief was cut short when my girl would awake with a terror and I'd have to stuff my sobs away for a later time so that I could calm my scared girl. During the day, it seemed that once we'd get Ella calmed and ready to play nicely, the minute I'd walk away to complete a task or needed chore, something would scare or offend her and the screams would return. I was always running on fumes and never able to re-fuel or even release the pent-up exhaust from the day/night's trials.
I cried out countless times for God to answer me "why"??? As I begged for Him to show me why He asked us to adopt when I could barely care for Ella, let alone her precious older sister. How in the world could we add two children to this mess? It wasn't fair to us and it certainly wasn't fair to them. But not once did God release us from the call or slow down the process. The doors kept flying open. Even the crazy monetary amounts for the adoptions continued to pour in on time and in miraculous ways. I kept begging God, "show me how, show me how!"
This summer, God showed me. It was just after Ella had just had an explosive melt-down that left us outside, above cement with her in my arms resisting and fighting - struggling with all that she had and screaming at the top of her lungs as I fought tears and held tight with all my strength so I wouldn't drop her on the dangerous cement below. I gritted me teeth to help hold her and walked as quickly and steadily as I could as my fingers started to slip apart with the force of her kicks and blows. I soothed as calmly as possible, "I love you, Ella. It's ok. Let's go calm down. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." I almost dropped her that day. Just as my fingers released, I reached my bedroom and she plopped onto my bed. Immediately Calvin saw what was going on and came to help. We both took turns holding her in calming hugs and placing blankets on her as she thrashed about. The battle went on for about an hour. When it was finally over and both Calvin and I were completely exhausted, I realized I could not do it much longer. She was getting too big. What would have happened if I would have dropped her on the cement???
We had tried therapy, different discipline techniques, different "love" techniques, etc... Nothing worked. It was time to try the diet everyone was talking about.
At first, we removed gluten.
Oh. My. Word. All of a sudden, Ella was hearing me! When before a request for her to pick up her toys might result with her not hearing the request (being unable to process the words to make sense of them), screaming and a melt-down, or on a good day agreeing, but then becoming distracted and not even being able to follow through with one toy, she could now hear and process the request and clean up the entire messy play-room one color at a time. (ex: Ella can you pick up all the green toys?)!!!!!!! I could now call her name and she would look at me!!!! When before it was as if, she hadn't even heard it called!
After a couple weeks though, her behaviors had worsened. She was hearing and processing better, but she was becoming more wobbly on her feet, falling off of chairs, tripping, bumping into others, screaming at the instruction to clean up, etc... These things had all happened prior to the diet change. It perplexed me because she was still hearing instructions and understanding so much better than before, but her behaviors and body awareness was much worse than before. Was it worth it??
By God's grace, I came across an article on corn. The article explained everything that was happening. It described how many times when gluten is removed from a diet, the amount of corn is doubled, which can in many cases act as a sensory blocking agent in kids with sensory issues! The corn actually causes a weird gut-reaction which releases some strange neuro blockers that don't allow information to reach the brain correctly. Which, explained why Ella was so wobbly on her feet and was so irritable. Nothing in her world made sense. While the gluten-free food was helping to clear her foggy mind, the corn was stirring up a crazy sensory blocking system within her little body. After only a week off of corn, Ella was the most functional we had ever seen her!!!! All of a sudden, she went from being unable to put her shoes on at all, she could all of a sudden put them on and have them on the correct feet. I have never had to switch her shoes since removing corn from her diet. Slowly, Ella's speech has improved and returned. Before going off of corn, Ella would wake up each morning at 6 AM and make the most unusual noises as she played with her toys. They were all animal sounds, but they sounded more like screeching. (My family knows what I'm talking about - it was horrible!) Ella couldn't gage her volume. Even her whispers where louder than normal speaking. A police officer once stopped by to see if a child was being abused, but understood when he came and saw her playing contentedly at her table and we explained that she had Autism!!! After going off of corn, she still wakes up at 6 AM, but she can whisper! A switch flipped and all of a sudden she can do simple things that were impossible for her to do before!
Yesterday I was watching Ella, just amazed at the change. Calvin and I had taken her to her occupational therapy appointment and while we were there, we saw another little girl who was being worked with who was clearly Autistic. She didn't seem to be aware of anyone in the room even though the OT was holding her and talking to her and her dad was waving and calling out her name. When something happened to her that she didn't like, she began screaming, waling, fighting and thrashing. Calvin and I looked at each other in pure astonishment. I said to him, "that was Ella"! And he said, "I know, I can't believe it." We've had her off of corn for about two months now and it's hard to imagine that she was ever at that point! Her swallowing disorder has even improved!!! She can now drink pure water without any thickening agent in a sippy cup without aspirating!!!!
Ella is now our cheerful little girl who responds faster and more obediently than most "neuro-typical" kids because rules and instructions are incredibly important to her "Autistic mind". If I say, "Ella, on three, can you please turn off the t.v.? Ready, one, two three!" By the time I've said, "ready", she has the t.v. off. She needs a simple warning and she's good to go. When she needs something or is appologizing, often times, she'll use more words than a "neuro-typical" child in the same situation, saying something like, "Mama, can I please have a apple?" or "I'm sorry I took your toy away, Ari." She does stutter quite badly and still fidgets, and has all of her awkward tics (claps with mouth agape, spins, stomps, etc..) But, my sweet, happy little girl is back! She is aware of what we are saying and reacts accordingly. Two days ago I looked at Calvin and said, "Man, I wonder if they'd still diagnose her with Autism??" Even though I know she does have Autism and still has bad days, her bad days now are more like her good days used to be! And on her good days now, it can be hard to distinguish her from a neuro-typical child without observing for quite a while.
I do bake.... All the time!! (corn is in EVERYTHING, so we don't have the luxury of buying bread, graham crackers, cookies, muffins, etc - so I make them) But it is so worth it!!! Instead of weeping on the floor next to my child that can't process anything going on around her - who is afraid of the shower, toilets, cars, touch, etc... I bake and have a curious little 5 year old constantly pulling on my arm to, "Lemme see, Mom! Whatcha makin? I wanna help!"
My, oh my how God has shown me HOW! As people have questioned us as to why or how we will be able to adopt and still care for all of our kids, even with Ella, I just say, "God knows." He keeps paving the way and opening doors. If you would have asked me 4 months ago if I would have thought it possible that Ella would be functioning in a regular kindergarten classroom with no aid and reading at a first grade level, I would have NEVER believed you, ever! But we serve a God of impossibilities. He thrives in our weaknesses! And now He is throwing doors open to Ella's healing and the meeting of our new young sons.
This morning, Ella snuggled with me on the couch after Ariana had gone to school. She looked up at me and asked in frustration, "Mama, when are our brothers gonna come home?" The sense of anticipation and excitement for the newest members of our family to arrive was so strong. But I think her excitement is only second to that of her sister's. Ari asks me every day about her brothers. She prays for them in ways I hadn't thought to pray. Her wisdom as a young, seven year old is profound. She amazes me. Even through everything with Ella, she's stronger. She's asked to learn speech methods to help Ella with her stuttering and actively helps her sister through play to speak better, she paints pictures to sell to raise money to bring her brothers home...she's amazing! I could write a book about my Ari.
We are so blessed and so amazed to be on this faith-walk as the Lord of lords and King of kings guides us where He wants us to go. Jesus never ceases to amaze me with the miracles He does in my Ella's life and as He walks us down this path towards His will.
"But (the Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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